How Many Bears Does It Take to Keep Me Awake?


Here are two things:

1. We’re going on a trip soon.

2. I am tired.

For some reason, there is no energy anywhere in my body. I’ve literally been about to fall asleep at any moment for the last week and a half. I don’t know what’s up with that. (I was just sick not too long ago, so I guess that could be it.)

The last time I felt like this was about a year ago, and I went to the doctor, and she was all, “Okay, well, go get your blood tested.” And I said I would.

And then I didn’t, because I started feeling better.

Then she sent me a bunch of letters saying, “Hey, go get your blood tested. You said you would.” But I never did, because I wasn’t tired anymore. Now I’m tired again, but I don’t want to ask her about it, because she’s going to be like, “Go get your blood tested,” and I don’t want to.

Anyway, my husband (Pete) and I are going on a road trip in the near future—and we’re both going to have to drive a bunch. Last time I checked, I’m not allowed to sleep much while driving. This is a problem, and I’m genuinely a little scared about this, because there’s not a whole lot that can keep me awake these days.

So, in an effort to keep us from careening off the road in a fiery ball of death, I made a list of things that might keep me awake in the car. Maybe.

1. Caffeine

2. More caffeine

3. A swarm of bees and honey on my head

4. A hungry bear and honey on my head

5. Pictures of cute things, like hedgehogs and puppies

6. A guy poking me with a stick all the time

7. Very loud music

8. Another bear

So, if nothing changes soon, this is what our car is going to look like:


Yep, just like that, except with coffee cups everywhere. Also, I wish we had a car that looked like that.

On the other hand, these are things that will put me to sleep immediately and will be banned entirely:

1. Norah Jones

2. A documentary on the history of fonts

3. Other people sleeping (sorry, Pete)

4. Being warm (sorry again)

5. Books on tape

6. Someone talking to me about different kinds of fishing rods

I’ll let you know how it goes. I’m sure it will be interesting as long as we don’t die.

P.S. – I imagine my husband will look at this picture and say, “Where am I?” and I’ll tell him that he can be the guy that pokes me with a stick and makes sure the bear is having fun. Somebody has to do it.


11 thoughts on “How Many Bears Does It Take to Keep Me Awake?

  1. My favorite way to stay awake in the car is looking at all the other cars around me and deciding what type of animal they resemble. Ford F150 trucks are totally angry bulls, am I right?! 🙂 Subarus are like salamanders or lizards or something. Ha. Good luck!

  2. When I’m tired, crazy loud music and singing at the top of my lungs helps to keep me awake. Of course, normally I do this sans passengers. But I think given that his options are bear-entertaining or listening to your singing, he may opt for the latter. I also kept awake for nearly an hour and a half by talking in a fake British accent.

    And I guess, there’s always a double shot of espresso. 😉 Hope you are able to stay awake for your trip.

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