I think there is such a thing as Bad Poetry Day, or Bad Poetry Month, but my Google search turned up some very conflicting information about when each of these things actually occurs. It seems like lots of people are just going around saying, “Hey, let’s write bad poetry day today, and today happens to be ______.”
So I say it’s Bad Poetry Day today, because I have a bad poem for y’all.
I wrote this poem because one of the other blogs that I read just held a bad poetry contest. I didn’t win, so I thought I’d subject all of you to my poem instead, because I spent about two-point-four minutes on it, which is a lot for a poem.
So here it is. It’s titled “An Ode to Classic Video Games.” It’s dedicated to all the 12-year-old gamers from fifteen years ago, before they all started playing Call of Duty and driving everyone crazy.
Just remember, this was a BAD poetry contest, so don’t be like, “OMG, this is the worst thing ever,” and get all put off by how bad it is, because that’s the point. I could write good poetry if I wanted to, probably. I was an English major, so I technically know the difference between good and bad poetry, or I did four years ago. Anyway.
An Ode to Classic Video Games
Oh Peach, you are my Princess,
Oh Mario, so Super,
Yoshi—you’re a dinosaur,
And Bowser, you’re a loser.
You’re all so very real to me—
The fun just never ends!
Real people, they just can’t compare
To animated friends.
You always want to play with me.
My mother says “No way.”
She thinks that you will rot my brain.
But I say, “Not today!”
I owe it to your kingdom
To save you from the doom
That no doubt would befall you
Were I to leave the room.
I’m getting pretty hungry.
I’ve been in here a while.
I smell a little funky,
But you won’t let me die!
And if I do, then what of it?
The game, it tells no lies.
It says I have three hundred lives,
And who needs more than five?
You all are just the greatest friends
A kid has ever had.
Who cares about the outside world?
I’ve heard real life is sad.
See, that last part is funny because real life is sad, but being friends with video game characters is even sadder (or so I’ve heard). That’s why it’s funny.
But I’m also not mocking those kids, because I totally get the addiction. I wish I had known about Mario when I was twelve. But my parents were all, “Oh, no, no video games in the house.” Which was probably a good call, since even now I play video games until three in the morning on worknights, and I’m twenty-six years old.
Speaking of that, I’m feeling like some Guitar Hero tonight. Who needs to sleep, anyway?
Also, Yoshi’s a dinosaur, right? He looks like one.
Did you play video games when you were little? Would you let your kids play as much as you did? I’m trying to revel in the fact that I don’t have to be an example to any kids yet. Yay.