I’m pretty sure that my husband is a superhero. And I don’t mean this in a sappy, “oh my gosh you’re the sweetest most wonderful husband ever” kind of way, even though he is very nice, I just really think he’s lying to me about being one. Just take a look at this evidence and tell me I’m crazy:
He flat-out denies it every time I ask. This is exactly what a superhero would do. Actually, the last time I asked, this is what happened.
“Are you a superhero? Superman, maybe?”
He sighed for some reason. “Yes, I am. I am Superman.”
“You are?! Really?”
Then he looked at me like I was a cute retarded puppy and sighed again. “No. That was a joke. I’m not Superman.”
“But you just said you were.”
“I was joking. I’m sorry. I should know better than to say things like that around you.”
“Because you want it to be true so bad that you’ll believe me.”
“No, you know what I think? I think you finally told me the truth and then changed your mind.”
“There’s nothing I can say to fix this, is there?”
“No. Thank you for trusting me. I love you.”
But then I asked him again a little while later, and he denied it right away, so it’s still a little iffy, as I’m sure you can see.
He is shaped like a superhero. Specifically like Superman. This will make things more clear, I think:
He watches the Avengers cartoon a lot. He acts like it’s just because he likes that show, but I know it’s because those people are his friends, and he likes to see them on TV. It’s the same with all those superhero movies that have come out recently. He’s all, “Let’s go see Thor,” and I’m like, “Is that because you ARE Thor?” And he says NO, but I know. I know.
He dressed up as Clark Kent for Halloween. To throw people off his trail. It did not work on me. Nice try, though.
As you can see, it’s almost too obvious. I don’t know why he doesn’t trust me – I mean, I if someone would tell me a secret, I would keep it. It is possible that I’m making this worse for myself by blogging about this out in public. He may never tell me now, but I’ll let you know if he does. I’ll hint about it cryptically. You’ll know what I mean.
P.S. – If he’s not a superhero, then that’s just not fair, because I would make a great superhero girlfriend. I’m really good at dramatic screaming and crying if I think I’m in danger.
P.P.S – Right now, my hubby is yelling about how Microsoft Word thinks it’s smarter than him, and how it is NOT. That computer better watch out, or Superman is going to punch it in the face.